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When I was a teenager in the 1990s, the government appeared to think that the gender pay gap was best addressed by informing young women that they could do anything. Eye-catching, vibrant pink promotions assured me that systemic and societal barriers would fall in the face of my self-assurance.

Experts have since refuted the belief that someone can improve their situation through upbeat attitudes. An author, in his publication Selfie, explains how the neoliberal myth of the level playing field underpins much of personal development trends.

Yet, a portion of my mind continues to think that if I work hard and glue together a firm goal map, I should be able to attain my most ambitious goals: the only thing standing between me and my destiny lies within myself. Where can I locate a point of equilibrium, a balance between having faith in my boundless abilities but not blaming myself for each setback?

The Key Resides in Modesty

The solution, per a fourth-century philosopher, a religious leader from Hippo, involves modesty. Augustine stated that self-abasement acted as the cornerstone of all other virtues, and that for someone seeking God “the first part is humility; the following, modesty; the final, lowliness”.

Being an ex-Catholic such as myself, the concept of meekness may trigger various unpleasant feelings. I grew up during a period in Catholicism when focusing on physical beauty was considered vain; sexual desire was frowned upon outside of procreation; and just thinking about masturbation was deemed a transgression.

I doubt that the saint meant this, but for many years, I confused “modesty” with embarrassment.

Healthy Humility Isn’t About Self-Loathing

Practicing humility, according to doctor Ravi Chandra, is not about hating oneself. A person with balanced humility values their skills and successes while recognizing that there is always more to learn. The psychiatrist defines eight kinds of humility: cultural humility; intergenerational humility; modesty in knowledge; humility of knowledge; humility of skill; meekness in insight; modesty in the face of wonder; and meekness during hardship.

Mental health investigations has likewise discovered numerous advantages coming from open-mindedness, such as greater resilience, tolerance and bonding.

Humility in Practice

Through my profession as a pastoral care practitioner with elderly residents, I now think about humility as the practice of focusing on someone else. Humility is an act of re-grounding: returning, moment by moment, to the carpet beneath my shoes and the person sitting in front of me.

Certain individuals who recount to me repeated tales from their lives, repeatedly, whenever we meet. Instead of watching the clock, I attempt to hear. I try to stay curious. What can I learn from this human and the narratives they cherish while other things faded?

Taoist Serenity

I try to live with the philosophical approach that theological scholar Huston Smith described as “creative quietude”. Ancient Chinese sages advise people to quiet the ego and live aligned to the natural order.

This might be especially relevant while people attempt to fix the destruction people have inflicted upon Earth. Through her publication Fathoms: The World in the Whale, author Rebecca Giggs clarifies that embracing modesty helps us reunite with “the primal self, the being that trembles at what twitches beyond the campfire light". Adopting a stance of modesty, of uncertainty, enables us to recognize humanity belongs of an expansive system.

The Beauty of Meekness

There exists an emptiness and despair that accompanies believing you can do anything: achievement – be it attaining riches, reducing size, or gaining political power – transforms into the single permissible result. Meekness allows for grace and failure. I embrace meekness, rooted in the earth, which means I have everything I need to grow.